Phantom Pain

Pain is one of the hardest things in life, and thus the prevalence of "pain killers." entertainments and self forgetfullnesses which are so dominant in our culture. When I was taking physical risks to deal with libido and perhaps boredom, I also took on some abrasions, concussions, etc. (luckily never broke a bone) and the like. And at that time, especially the fifties, these were referred to as phantom pain when they came back later as "memory" in the bones and muscles. It was only later that I found out that this popular culture term was really to be thought of in terms of amputations, and undoubtedly my dear Uncle Joe, who lost a leg in Leyte in the Second World War, probably had phantom pain for the rest of his life (although we never spoke about it).

Denial is as prevalent as pain, and they are very often intertwined. Fear is also a driver in this venue, and part of the risks I took in surfing, car and motorcycle racing were undoubtedly driven by these crazy mixtures. I liked to be "on the edge," and my favorite color, orange, is, in part because of the caution light, neither stop or go, but ... The only traffic ticket I have ever gone to court to beat was because of a ticket given to me for running the caution light. I lost, but the judge did not fine me because of the philosophical discussion we had. Just a warning,

It was strange to feel sometimes in the past a dull pain in the side of my face where I took a punch from an unknown assailant in a Bremerhaven bar. Or a pain in the femur where another hit occurred at one time or another, and others too. And I can well remember ship mates and others recalling events in their lives because a pain had returned in their bodies and brought back a memory that they had thought was forgotten. Most of these pains are gone for me at this age, but once in awhile something shows up and as age progresses it is harder and harder to have an "a ha" about it.

I have asked a couple of doctor acquaintances to let me know if there is a proper word for this phenomena ... as opposed to the improper phantom pain or just plain pain. Why? Because it is something different than just a memory of pain, deeper & a little more mysterious. The other day my arthritic (right) hand took on another pain, deeper, and I had to look way into the past and see if that might be the phantom of a punch I had thrown way back then.