Names

In Patti Smith's book about her and Robert Mapplethorpe ("Just Kids") I found an important comment about names, something to the affect that "Robert was not a Bob" ... but evidently people wanted him to accept the nickname (?). Early on I had a version of this with my Grandfather Roberts (who was never Grandpa, incidentally). His name was Alexander, not Al or Alex. To his close friends he was A.J., otherwise it was Mr. Roberts or Alexander. (His sons seemed to be comfortable with the usual monikers, shortened versions of their given names: Norm, Dick and Joe, no problem, guess).

Several years ago my sisters contested the nickname given my Mother in her youth because she was named for her Great Grandmother, Julia, and thus it was felt that she might be better called "Frankie." Well, it turns out she didn't like the name, went along with it for years, and toward the end of her life Julia was returned to her as her name. I'm sure that you could think of many examples of this type of naming yourself, and hopefully you might find some examples of people who have taken their real names back.

And there are people I've know in the last few years who have decided that their given names (perhaps their nicknames as well) were not suitable for them and have renamed themselves, even going to court to do that legally. I was chosen by a man who worked for me as a witness in such a case and it was intriguing to see this through with him.

Names are extremely important, and yet they are thrown around as it they are not. Very often monikers fit and are comfortable, no problem ... often they are questionable, border on the diminutive or cute; at worst are in the neighborhood of Oscar Wilde's statement (was it him?) "Familiarity breeds contempt." I remember when I was small people trying on the "Donnie" name with me. Never worked, I remember looking at them as if to wonder what their problem was.