"Song for My Father"

Many years ago I purchased the great Horace Silver album dedicated to his Father, with the amazing title track. Not long after that it was ripped off in a robbery of my house by a junkie looking for some quick cash. It was decades later when I discovered the CD version in a used record store bin, with the same picture of Horace's Father on the cover. The liner notes are brilliant but leave undescribed the relationship between Father and Son, and only a very brief description of John Tavares Silver. The glorious track has to say it all, and I guess it does.

I was at sea for four years and received only one letter from my Father, and it kind scared me. Before I opened it I had to ask myself what has happened at home, something wrong, something happen to Mother (because she was the correspondent in the family)? Well, Dad didn't write very good grammatical English, and so he was hesitant to write. When I wrote home I usually wrote to both of them, referencing my Mother's letters. Now decades later I'm unhappy with myself with not having pursued more communication with him. Why didn't I? It is sad in a way.

Now I find myself writing what I call a "Last Exit" letter to my sons, Aaron & Alexander, and my partner, Joni Cash. At 79 this letter is to provide instructions to them for what is to happen when I pass. And in writing it I have been encouraged to look back at my communications (& failure of them) with my sons. At times I have worked hard at it, and at times this has backfired. When I have described loneliness or the like, I have been met with derision by one son, and silence by the other. Truth be told they are both extremely busy, and I understand that. But that doesn't keep me from trying.

They have both been great sons, extremely generous and kind. I am deeply indebted to them for staying with me, even living in the same region (which is often unusual these days). It has been a huge gift to work with Alexander in providing his restaurants with produce, for example; and he has gone way beyond "the call of duty" to help us with everything from a walk-in cooler to a computer. Aaron has given of his talents and expertise in helping with buildings, grading the land, and much help with firewood and kindling. But mostly it is being there for me, for us. You have provided many "songs," both of you, and I look forward to our exchanges.